I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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