I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
