Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
