im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
