Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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