Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
