I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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