Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
