I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is Oprah even human
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