Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
