Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
