Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
