Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
