So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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