Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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