Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
