Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
