I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
