Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
