He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
