There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
