It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
