Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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