Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
