i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
