she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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