There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
