I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize