it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
