i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
