using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dear god my vagina.
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