Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
