Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
