Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
