My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
