Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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