sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
