Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
