you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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