My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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