I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
