he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
