Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
