Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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