Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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