my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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