just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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