i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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