I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
