Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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