you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
