My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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