Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
