my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Watching her eat just hurts me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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