I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
