porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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