i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
