I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want nice things and good sex
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
