with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
