Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize
