Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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