Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize