Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
