Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
