Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
