I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
