Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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