the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
