You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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