Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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