so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
