he thought i was a dude.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
