How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
