i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Damn victory sex feels great
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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