i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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