Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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