i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
