dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
